Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
