I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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