Who did Billy Mays play for?
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
