You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
