thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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