so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
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