I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
