Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
