what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
