is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
