I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
