We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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