I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
