That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Randomize
