I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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