My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
