i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
