i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
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