The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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