I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
