I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
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