No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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