considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
