wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
