My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
