when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Randomize
