And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Randomize
