I wish I only lived at night.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Randomize
