Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
