I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Randomize
