Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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