ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
