Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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