Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
