Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
