sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
As shirtless as possible
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
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