every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
