just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
