# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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