Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
