why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
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