I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
