a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
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