i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
We are two peas in an std pod
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
