the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
