I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
