I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
