I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Randomize
