if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
