Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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