1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
