dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
