there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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