I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
