he thought i was a dude.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
