So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
