Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Randomize
