you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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