I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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