thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
